I feel so cold in Brunei. Was it the heartache? Was it just me? or the people? or the environment? Or I have been anti-social lately? Orrrrrr.... what? haven't been out?

I feel the differences so much! In phils, everywhere is just people. In Brunei, I feel a little empty, somehow. I couldn't figure out what's my real problem! But it's not that bad, I can still say.

I just need my brothers, my cousins and all my family. I terrifically don't need a boyfriend. HAHAH Sorry boys, but I am not ready to CROSS THE LINE. Want me? Why don't we be just friends? You know it's better than being in a relationship. Because you see, things happen, and most likely we'll end up being "whatsoever" already not in a relationship neither we are friends. I don't want that to ever happen again. Just can't be commited to another man after all this.

I have lost someone that means so much to me and you cannot believe what I've gone through. (not exaggerating!) I'm serious. It's funny somehow huh. I guess it's just too much for me. I fought for that even when some part of the world's against our relationship. I love him that much, almost to give up everything for him and wouldn't care much about what others would say or do to me. I think what I did on giving him dissapointments, he misunderstood and had too much to think about. I haven't still had a single clue on my head why it's happened. Maybe he didn't really love me? Maybe he doesn't love me enough to accept me, the real me, the old me? Or was it because of the me, now?


I just need to see him being happy, maybe that'll be enough. But I don't know somehow I still can't stop thinking about all the things that we've gone through. Sure it wasn't long, but the love was too strong. I'm glad he was happy the day I never left him. But after all that, the long-short times that we hadn't click on each other and made me misunderstood him. I didn't realize it until he finally said and THOUGHT I wasn't there for him anymore. I realized I'm wrong for what I did to leave him out when he wanted to talk to me because I thought he was ignoring me. Sad to say. Sad to understand. Sad to know. Hard to accept the truth.

Christmas is around the corner and ....... I only want one thing for christmas, the man who was once given by god to me... Maybe he was "THE ONE", "THE MAN", that I had to learn and inspire a lot from.
Glad to say, he inspired me in a lot of ways and things. Some things I used to hate in life seemed to become the other way around. He made me open my eyes to the beautiful things in life. and made me thought "I didn't know life was this beautiful when you love all sorts of other different things outside the box." A little weird, I feel. A bit stupid, don't chu think so? ...I used to say "I hate this; I hate that; It's so annoying; it's not nice!" Now I just had to say they're all beautiful. All sorts of things god has made :) Of course, right?

and oh, he also inspired me to STUDY alot. =___="" HAHA how does that sound like?



Anyhoos. Yeah the line got cut off. HAHA!


Hmmm, oh yes, FINALLY, kuya Bimbo has called! :D Like last last night.
Gaaaawwwd, I supercalifragilly miss him! HAHA! I'm not saying I don't miss you others, of course I do! Just that this is my rasta-breakdancer-kuya-ninong! :) Awesome dancer!
Kuya, if you're reading this, GOOD LUCK sa job mu!


Dancing again, on the Pasko'ng Pinoy 2008! Do come and watch! :) It'll be held at the Scout Center, Mata-Mata. And oh, about PROMS, which one should I go eh? =/ HAHA more invites, then I'll go. HAHAH booooys, hear it from a gold-digger! xP HAHAH kidding!




Hmmmm... when should I go out? HAHAH. I've been home and just school lately. No elsewhere I have gone to. Except for that all-Sunday-same-old-sched! DUH. Dimsum and Jerudong beach! HAHAH You have no idea how much I miss KB! and SERIA! and the CHURCH! and all you people! and him, of course. *sigh* I guess I'll always have to stick with where I am now without him. It still hurts and I'm like having a wishful thinking.

Labels: boyfriend, Brunei, Happy Birthday, Lost, Love, Nate, Nazim, Philippines, Pictures

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