Have I mentioned to you that I've been sick? Oh well, whatever but yes, I am sick. Not just sick sick I guess, like "someone" said, lovesick? HAHA antah. Don't make me more gila-er aah. I can die one, u know! I am sick, yes I am. I am going soon and I am sure gonna miss this place called "LOVE" scratch that, Brunei lah.

So people here right now have been playing love songs, I just seriously hate it for it reminds me a lot of things. It's freakin' hell! HELL, I tell you! HELL!!! Get off me, you freakin' hell! Okay, maybe I'm over reacting or something but I tell you this for sure. It's been a month ++ and the cuts and injuries and whatsoever is still fresh. Hell, my mirror in my room reminds me of him, wonder why? HAHA well simply, his image was ever formed in the mirror. Perhaps you don't understand, okay let me elaborate that, it's he's ever here and yes in my room. HAHA oh no, don't get me wrong, inda bergatal. People were here too beside us. Well, I don't know, u know? I feel jsknglfhdbg right now. I've been trying to put my head somewhere else but it can't seem to stay at one place. Like, wherever I go, it follows me. I feel hell man! HELL! Darn it!

Well, I just wanted to let these things out of my chest, u know. I don't really like saying this out orally, so yeah...

Oh yeah, have you noticed it's been raining for days and days now? Do you know that I hate rain so much? but at the same time, I love it and too, I try to enjoy it although it could make me sick and wet and all that.. Everytime it rains, it gives me this sad thing in my brain that someone's been crying. My heart cries as it watches the pouring rain. I could wish I was in it, to make myself feel better somehow. But the thing is, I can't because I'll get even more sick. Aaaayyy drama!

Positive side is.. I just love the pain so much. Do you know why? ..it's because I cry because of love, I laughed because of love, and because of love, I feel like I could go somewhere. Somewhere not in the place we're living in, perhaps heaven? I feel positive about it because love has made me so different, so different that it could do me anything. ANYTHING at all! ..Because of love, I became stronger than I could ever believe myself so. I love the pain that love has gave me and is still giving me. I couldn't care much feeling the pain, because it's love. I would even be more sad if I didn't know how to love. and now, I finally feel the greatest pain from the greatest love. How can I ever be more proud? I know how to love, I know what is love. What if I didn't know what it was?

and when I love, I cry. Eventually, I'll just say to myself, don't worry be happy. and then when I cry, I feel like I should try acting. HAHAH. Maybe I could be good at that, who knows? It's I think, if I'd go acting and I need to cry(acting), I'll be thinking about love, real love, honey. I guess that's gonna be tough eh? Especially when u have to do that most of the time, but I'm sure it can NEVER change the fact that I still know how to love - FOREVER- FOREVERMORE! AMIN/AMEN. :)

People have been coming in and out but I couldn't have the feeling of needing them. What do you think? Probably, I just don't realize that I need them..? or what? I don't need a man to hold me, but I'm sure I do need a man to dance with me ;D

HAHAH oh yes, I've been dancing and gawddd I wanna model eh! HAHAH if anybody would agree me to be a model despite of my height. HAHAH DO YOU? DO YOU AGREE? It's okay if you don't, you can just say. I'm not gonna do anything to you if you say no anyway. HAHAH man, give me hugs on thursday! I'll be gone by that day, you know?

Oh and everyone who wants to see me, do meet me at the airport on the 30th of October by around 5.45pm! =)

oh please hear my friend sing: (8) just to be different (8) FOR REAL! :) ibi & ziq, love.
HAHAHA here's some more.. xD HAHAH lovin' it Bruneian rappers! [CLICKERS]
Daaaamn, you've got SKILLS man! HAHAH I'm too scared to be in that, but I can try =| HAHAH don't tell me you're gonna bring the old-times lil lady hiphopin' back the block! HAHA shoosh lah.

So today it was supposed to be our 3rd Monthsary,
but unfortunately we screwed up ending like we were before
like the day we first met except a little duller -like strangers.

We had the best good`ol times and the bad times,
sometimes I still think about the greatest moments with you
and things around me, all of it reminds me of you.

You are the
WORSE BEST oh-so-sexy-boyfriend that I had ever have,
oh don't get me wrong, I was just trying to say you're the most different.

Things went wrong by surprise and we misunderstood each other,
I misunderstood you a lot, and so I realize I shouldn't have done what was planned..
yes, there was a plan, well, a so-called-plan.
but you know, I really have to explain that to you one day,
when I'm ready to and when you're ready to hear them.
It might not matter to you anymore but do hear me out.

I'm not going to say it because I want you back,
not even because I need you back,
it's just to let myself be clear to you.

I didn't really mean to hurt you.
I guess people were right too that it shouldn't always be ALL my fault.
But I guess you're right also, at the point why we had to be like this.

You're like a Chris Brown all over me singing "say goodbye".
What more can I say? I don't wanna make myself be more over fond of anything.

It's not a farewell, nor a goodbye, but a hello to you again.
Welcome to my life and being one of my best friends..

Best friends, because........................
you know a lot about me except until the time I misunderstood you.
and you were there at the times I needed you,
you held my hand and asked me to be strong and then asked me to look you in the eye
and everything will be alright..
and things did went well, because you loved me.

I remember "that day", we held on to each other
and I never let you go.
And like I said, you can have me until whenever you like.
and promise promise, I'll never leave you.
Except for the country-leaving-blablabla lahh..
Never leave you as in.. when you need me, I'll be here.
I'll not leave and go away, neither would I not listen nor be your enemy.
So like I said again, remember the things I've said before, I meant them every single way!

But if one day, you forgot them already, you can ask if you like.
I remember my vows, not just by words, but with my whole heart.
Good friends, aren't we?
HAHA just that a certain monkey shouldn't eat a certain cicak.
or perhaps a certain goblin should still play with a certain doll.
WTF!? HAHA

Maaaaan, I'm sooo gay, except for the fact that I'm a female. HAHAH apakann!?!

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R.I.P. Abdul Qamarudin Wafi, I pray and prayed for you.
[2 years 2 months]

"A true friend is a brother in spirit." by Mohd Nazim Zainal.

If somehow you're reading this, I wish and pray you all the best.
I never met you, though I wish I would've.
I've only heard about you, I know a bit things about you.
Sometimes, I could sense it, you're somewhere around.

I hope, I wish, and I pray, you a brother and a true friend of Nazim
Rest in peace. Amin. // Amen.
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