When you can live forever, what do you live for?

Sunday, October 26, 2008

Sick? Lovesick?

Have I mentioned to you that I've been sick? Oh well, whatever but yes, I am sick. Not just sick sick I guess, like "someone" said, lovesick? HAHA antah. Don't make me more gila-er aah. I can die one, u know! I am sick, yes I am. I am going soon and I am sure gonna miss this place called "LOVE" scratch that, Brunei lah.

So people here right now have been playing love songs, I just seriously hate it for it reminds me a lot of things. It's freakin' hell! HELL, I tell you! HELL!!! Get off me, you freakin' hell! Okay, maybe I'm over reacting or something but I tell you this for sure. It's been a month ++ and the cuts and injuries and whatsoever is still fresh. Hell, my mirror in my room reminds me of him, wonder why? HAHA well simply, his image was ever formed in the mirror. Perhaps you don't understand, okay let me elaborate that, it's he's ever here and yes in my room. HAHA oh no, don't get me wrong, inda bergatal. People were here too beside us. Well, I don't know, u know? I feel jsknglfhdbg right now. I've been trying to put my head somewhere else but it can't seem to stay at one place. Like, wherever I go, it follows me. I feel hell man! HELL! Darn it!

Well, I just wanted to let these things out of my chest, u know. I don't really like saying this out orally, so yeah...

Oh yeah, have you noticed it's been raining for days and days now? Do you know that I hate rain so much? but at the same time, I love it and too, I try to enjoy it although it could make me sick and wet and all that.. Everytime it rains, it gives me this sad thing in my brain that someone's been crying. My heart cries as it watches the pouring rain. I could wish I was in it, to make myself feel better somehow. But the thing is, I can't because I'll get even more sick. Aaaayyy drama!

Positive side is.. I just love the pain so much. Do you know why? ..it's because I cry because of love, I laughed because of love, and because of love, I feel like I could go somewhere. Somewhere not in the place we're living in, perhaps heaven? I feel positive about it because love has made me so different, so different that it could do me anything. ANYTHING at all! ..Because of love, I became stronger than I could ever believe myself so. I love the pain that love has gave me and is still giving me. I couldn't care much feeling the pain, because it's love. I would even be more sad if I didn't know how to love. and now, I finally feel the greatest pain from the greatest love. How can I ever be more proud? I know how to love, I know what is love. What if I didn't know what it was?

and when I love, I cry. Eventually, I'll just say to myself, don't worry be happy. and then when I cry, I feel like I should try acting. HAHAH. Maybe I could be good at that, who knows? It's I think, if I'd go acting and I need to cry(acting), I'll be thinking about love, real love, honey. I guess that's gonna be tough eh? Especially when u have to do that most of the time, but I'm sure it can NEVER change the fact that I still know how to love - FOREVER- FOREVERMORE! AMIN/AMEN. :)

People have been coming in and out but I couldn't have the feeling of needing them. What do you think? Probably, I just don't realize that I need them..? or what? I don't need a man to hold me, but I'm sure I do need a man to dance with me ;D

HAHAH oh yes, I've been dancing and gawddd I wanna model eh! HAHAH if anybody would agree me to be a model despite of my height. HAHAH DO YOU? DO YOU AGREE? It's okay if you don't, you can just say. I'm not gonna do anything to you if you say no anyway. HAHAH man, give me hugs on thursday! I'll be gone by that day, you know?

Oh and everyone who wants to see me, do meet me at the airport on the 30th of October by around 5.45pm! =)

oh please hear my friend sing: (8) just to be different (8) FOR REAL! :) ibi & ziq, love.
HAHAHA here's some more.. xD HAHAH lovin' it Bruneian rappers! [CLICKERS]
Daaaamn, you've got SKILLS man! HAHAH I'm too scared to be in that, but I can try =| HAHAH don't tell me you're gonna bring the old-times lil lady hiphopin' back the block! HAHA shoosh lah.

Labels: Airport, Brunei, dance, Life, Lost, Love, Sad Days, Song, Tears

Kendiee ♥blogged @ 8:09 PM

when the lion fell in love with the lamb..

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Thursday, October 16, 2008

3rd Monthsary.

So today it was supposed to be our 3rd Monthsary,
but unfortunately we screwed up ending like we were before
like the day we first met except a little duller -like strangers.

We had the best good`ol times and the bad times,
sometimes I still think about the greatest moments with you
and things around me, all of it reminds me of you.

You are the
WORSE BEST oh-so-sexy-boyfriend that I had ever have,
oh don't get me wrong, I was just trying to say you're the most different.

Things went wrong by surprise and we misunderstood each other,
I misunderstood you a lot, and so I realize I shouldn't have done what was planned..
yes, there was a plan, well, a so-called-plan.
but you know, I really have to explain that to you one day,
when I'm ready to and when you're ready to hear them.
It might not matter to you anymore but do hear me out.

I'm not going to say it because I want you back,
not even because I need you back,
it's just to let myself be clear to you.

I didn't really mean to hurt you.
I guess people were right too that it shouldn't always be ALL my fault.
But I guess you're right also, at the point why we had to be like this.

You're like a Chris Brown all over me singing "say goodbye".
What more can I say? I don't wanna make myself be more over fond of anything.

It's not a farewell, nor a goodbye, but a hello to you again.
Welcome to my life and being one of my best friends..

Best friends, because........................
you know a lot about me except until the time I misunderstood you.
and you were there at the times I needed you,
you held my hand and asked me to be strong and then asked me to look you in the eye
and everything will be alright..
and things did went well, because you loved me.

I remember "that day", we held on to each other
and I never let you go.
And like I said, you can have me until whenever you like.
and promise promise, I'll never leave you.
Except for the country-leaving-blablabla lahh..
Never leave you as in.. when you need me, I'll be here.
I'll not leave and go away, neither would I not listen nor be your enemy.
So like I said again, remember the things I've said before, I meant them every single way!

But if one day, you forgot them already, you can ask if you like.
I remember my vows, not just by words, but with my whole heart.
Good friends, aren't we?
HAHA just that a certain monkey shouldn't eat a certain cicak.
or perhaps a certain goblin should still play with a certain doll.
WTF!? HAHA

Maaaaan, I'm sooo gay, except for the fact that I'm a female. HAHAH apakann!?!

------------------------------------------------------------------------

R.I.P. Abdul Qamarudin Wafi, I pray and prayed for you.
[2 years 2 months]

"A true friend is a brother in spirit." by Mohd Nazim Zainal.

If somehow you're reading this, I wish and pray you all the best.
I never met you, though I wish I would've.
I've only heard about you, I know a bit things about you.
Sometimes, I could sense it, you're somewhere around.

I hope, I wish, and I pray, you a brother and a true friend of Nazim
Rest in peace. Amin. // Amen.
------------------------------------------------------------------------

love dearly, yours truly,
Chiaw Yuen Loo

Labels: boyfriend, Lost, Love, Monthsary, Nate, Nazim, Pictures, R.I.P., Sad Days, Sayings, Tears

Kendiee ♥blogged @ 3:03 AM

when the lion fell in love with the lamb..

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Wednesday, October 1, 2008

Be You! =)

Hello readers! I apologize for not blogging for days and days~ I was on the verge of stopping myself to blog because of the things that just happened. My concepts for blogging was (almost) gone. I had a lot of ideas before until then I got lazy, paranoid; I gots heartaches and pains that not even anyone could ease, neither anything. Nothing seems to ease the pain, but the happy memories of you and me. Well whatever, I'm back =D

I was lost and I might still be lost, looking for ways to get out of this chaos in me. I wasn't even being myself, perhaps you noticed. I wasn't me, I wasn't the old me, now I'm growing. Noticed? But there shouldn't be any change of how I can make people's day bright, how I'd be people's sunshine, even when there's rain, except a little better and brighter. I even began to realized that I am loving someone I could die for.

If only there were a certain something that could somehow turn back time, aaaayyy~ But there's no such thing, what's done is done. Life is suppose to be simple, in terms of having choices, yes. But choosing might be a little more difficult than how it could be said. You have to choose wisely to get to the right one; and when you get to the wrong one, you have to always get out of that, and change. So, what do you say? I changed.

In deciding on a yes and a no, I thought it was that easy. I just realized that there's nobody else to trust if you can't even trust yourself. I realized that I shouldn't ask the others to make choices for me, because it should be me, I should have my own way, my own self in it, sincerely.

Hence, the story is easier said like, the deeds of "a friend" -got me thinking the wrong way, I MISUNDERSTOOD a lot, and then those thoughts made me COMPLAIN a lot, yes, I assumed a little bit too much. And then, I asked "someone" what should I do about it, and he said, I should make that friend feel how I was feeling, so "that friend" would know.. so here, I somehow did and followed his advice, but it was WRONG! It just made all the things worse! Now, look at me.. It made "my friend" thought I wasn't there, when I was there all the time, just waiting - even TRYING TO wait PATIENTLY. Now it's all gone.

See, it was simple yet difficult. What can you say about that?
I'd say Life is simple, but it goes in the way you run it. So don't go too easy, listen to yourself before you listen to others. Be you!

One of my best friend said he doesn't care about what other people think about him. That is one good thing. Oh hey, look at me before, I was so daring, that when he dared me to shout out "POSER" to those posers/ poklens/ wannabe, I could even do. HAHAH. I didn't really care about what the others would think because...well, honestly, they don't know me at all xD HAHAH just being honest. I don't really dare to do anything more stupid, but I don't mind doing
i.e. wearing funny clothes in public for a day..? HEHEH.
I'd do it if it'll make someone special happy =)

Lil sis - Fei with the towers ~

Well, I would dare to do a lot of different other stuffs like jumping from roof to roof, BUT come on, be wise. Don't be stupid, people dares YOU, shouldn't always follow what they want, what they would always ask you to, first, listen to yourself. Think about it, is it right? is it wrong? is it okay? will it be fine? You make choices :)

You see, I made a lot of mistakes in my life, I personally thought I shouldn't leave them just like that. They were made for you for me to learn from it and get right next time. Therefore, mistakes were to look back to, and to think about, to make things right the next time, be more careful about what you do. We are never perfect, practice does perfect, practice is where you get mistakes. Not literally perfect, but more right, a little less than perfect, but more less mistakes. Agree?

KL, Batu Cave ~

About me, I used to be the one who has the center of attention, and I loved it. But I wasn't all high profiled until I got busted a lot of times. Now, I'd deal with this, not being the center of attention anymore. It doesn't matter much anyway. Just an attention~ Let's just see where fate would lead me, how life would go, how my life would end, how the story would end.

I'm more quiet when I know you won't listen, I'm more "noisy" if I know you'd listen. But hey, I'm me. I'm talkative the way I am. Or maybe I'm just intellectual? HAHAH! you say it. Well, I do lack confidence sometimes, that's when I feel insecure. Also that's more of when I lack practice, and jealous. Oh, getting jealous? Sometimes, I lose myself in there. Well, I somehow still do but lot less than before. I would only ask myself what about myself, like, look at myself in the mirror, and tell myself I'm unique. and the way I'm different made the way I'm beautiful/the sexiest/ the whatsoever~

So babe, what makes you different, makes you beautiful. and oh, don't ever change yourself just to fit in, but be more on yourself and improvise, not change. so, do we get each other here? ..for whoever who tries to be someone else, you'll see you'll have a hard time letting the others know the real YOU.

and people, I'd love to make your day shine, and make you happy. Would you give me a chance? Because knowing the reason for the smile on your face, makes me happy :) SOMEHOW~

♥ Azim, bro, I love you :) you and your cousin. ♥ Remember to remember that! ;]

and some of you readers inspired me to this whole thing, SOMEHOW~ HEHEH. well thanks to some of you~ I do hope I'm back, HOHO HOPEFULLY.

Now, can you handle me? or I should be the one handling you? HAHAH. Tell me more, and I'll always be here to listen. I'll write more about things to make you feel better, SOMEHOW xD

P/S: ♥ I miss you all! you know who you guys are~ ;) Thanks for being there when I needed someone to talk to. I love you all! well I'm sorry if I had been unaffectionate to show how much I love you people. But I assume you'd feel it anyway when I hug you, if not hug, maybe when we talk on the phone~ yes babes, you babes. ♥ Qinyi! one of my sayangs, cheer up k :) mwakz!

Sincerely yours,
♥ the one and only Chiaw Yuen ;]

Labels: Changes, Cry, Life, Love, My Words, Sayings, Tears

Kendiee ♥blogged @ 12:13 AM

when the lion fell in love with the lamb..

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Wednesday, September 10, 2008

Math~Mellow~Yellow~Freak!

Yes people, wondering who's online right now? apparently, I AM! x____x""
I'm currently feeling very mellow right now, listening to the song I just found while looking for blog layouts. I have other blogs hidden xD I posted them up there. Ask me about it, if you're interested. I have loads of layouts just for you.

The song I just found awhile ago called: Part Of A Fool by Juwita Suwito.

You should listen to it if you're feeling really mellow at the moment, ~~but don't cry~~. ^^ It's kind of making me cry now. Yes, I'm this emotional, that things I see, I hear, I smell, I watch, I feel could even make me cry. Touching bah! Most beautiful things in life make me cry even more. You loving me makes me cry too. I know many of you doesn't like me crying but it's just love. Love conquering me when I worry because I love, I cry worried; when I get mad, I cry because I don't know what else to do. I cry because I love. =')

You'd know I Love You if you see me cry

over you ;]

I won't simply cry over simple nothings.
I cry for reasons.
I cry because of love :)
and many other reasons.
and and...
"Touching" stuffs makes me cry because..
well simply put, it puts me in the place where
for example, a movie that shows a lover being left by it's love
puts me into place that if I was the one there.
Something like that, yeah xD

Anyhooos, here I am blogging up online chatting with no one but Grarey(not anymore) Azim (but he reply to me late x___x) I was suppose to be doing my math revisions since this afternoon and all I did was a bit then took a nap for hours (would you even call that a "nap"?) ..I did a bit of math, yes. Paper 1 only, and still haven't finish 'cause I've been figuring out each of it like for a long time and still can't get it right. GAAAAARRRHHHH! HELP? Ah, I'm gonna bounce now. Gotta hit the sack soon. I'll try to finish my revisions. SOME~

P/S: not crying now, nothing to cry about. HAHA!
Randoms:

I Love Roses/Flowers but not chocolates (just not anymore, somehow).
I Love Thee, but I don't love "YOU". HAHAH!
I Love This Beautiful Life. dumdidum~ FOREVER-EVA-EVA!
WHO THE ~~HELL~~ was that? He seems desperate. HAHA! Like OMG! Anyhoos, I'm just sharing, alright. and oh, read it, it says something about European ladies, he thinks I'm one? *HOOOOO!!* HAHA How could that even possibly be when I look so chinese and I hate it. Nah, I'm goood I'm good but I wish I was beautiful, contentedly beautiful. But I'm contented already, just not satisfied. Make sense? HAHA. I love what I have, however it's not enough BECAUSE I want to be a SMART-ASS! okay, crap.

HIATUS! HIATUS! HIATUS! SHOULD BE!

Labels: Blog, Cry, Love, Mathematics, Mellow, Song, Tears

Kendiee ♥blogged @ 12:33 AM

when the lion fell in love with the lamb..

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Chiaw Yuen

26th January